i am feeling strangely emotional today.
feel that live is just too fragile, too transient.
feel that jodi picoult writes books that totally, absolutely shatters my already fragmented heart.
feel that, life is so unfair – justice shouldn’t ever exist.
i am still thinking of star – my cousin’s dog which died a way too premature death. a horrendous death. it totally broke my heart; no matter how much i disliked it, i still felt so hard for its death. it’s just a dog, how can anyone hold such grudge against it – to kill it even. don’t tell me it’s an accident, the circumstances and the human mind totally dismisses that possibility. don’t tell me fear held back actions – there were so many other people who could help. it was such a huge dog. it almost weigh as much as a primary-going-to-secondary-school-kid. i can’t even fathom the pain it went through. rest in peace, star.
my heart – maybe it had been whole some time ago. but it had shattered to such tiny pieces that i found myself (not literally) sitting in the middle of the shards in denial, then in a daze – what do you do with such a badly broken heart? after some time i finally picked myself up and started piecing them together, with the support of a friend. i gained some confidence, learnt to let go a little. but that was not to be for long. the next blow came and my shattered glass sculpture was smashed into even smaller shards in front of my eyes. i really felt like giving up then. and i still do now. the lesson i learnt was to steer clear of the hammers that peppered my life like streetlights along the roads in Singapore.
anyway, i shall change the topic. i went to the audition for fb just now with regina and amelia. i think we totally screwed up. i can see my hope dissipating into the air. maybe i shall try some dances outside. means, i gotta pay. well, hope that some miracle works itself and i get into fb. heh. i really do dream too big, huh.